i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
