just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
