Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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