whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
