Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
