I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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