I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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