I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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