is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
