I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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