bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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