Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
