I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
