The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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