I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
