Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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