I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
