u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I looked at my own cervix.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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