dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
