Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
