You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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