Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
