their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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