i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
