"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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