No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
