What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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