dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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