He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I look better un-naked...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
