I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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