nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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