if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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