Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
