Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
