Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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