New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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