:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
