Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
