What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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