Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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