VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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