i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
