It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
