the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
