and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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