I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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