Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

All I've ever wanted to do in life is right

(517): View more from Michigan

Maybe you should learn how to spell write first

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.

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(765): View more from Indiana

well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

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(904): View more from Florida

I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

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(614): View more from Ohio

every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused

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(212): View more from New York

So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.

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