i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
