I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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