I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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