So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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