I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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