If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
well you can't waste a boner
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
