I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
