everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
