Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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