If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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