He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So many bounce houses so little time
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
