Your tits are I can't wait for
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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