You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize