hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
there is glitter all over my balls
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
