Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
