I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
