this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
