she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize