i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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