Do vagina's smell?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
