you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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