And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
