somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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