Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
