I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
