I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize