walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
