i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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