if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
