I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
