If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
