Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
last night I used snow as a chaser
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
