it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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