I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
