the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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