Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
