I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
