I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize