Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
