Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
