I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I puked a lego.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
