I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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