our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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