Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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