If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize