They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
